Musings and What-not

I have cried enough tears to fill an ocean, sending myself into the deepest abyss, pondering... Will he be okay when I'm gone? I've spent so much time worrying and stressing about what will happen to him tomorrow that, at times, I have allowed precious moments of my today slip carelessly slip through my hands. Germany has its Autobahn... the road I travel has a beautiful yet mysterious companion that is Autism. My journey has been one of great fascination... and frustration. There have been many twists, turns, bumps, and detours along the way. One moment, I am cruising along at a comfortable speed, letting the wind caress my face, and in a flash, I encounter a pot hole that rattles me to the core.

Another week is upon us. I guess I don't dread Mondays like some.  I'm in a fortunate position where I don't have to drag myself out of bed at some ungodly hour, only to rush off to participate in a twisted game of your-butt's-mine-for-the-next-8-hours. I get to stay home and hang out with my favorite person, my son. I'm not writing this to be all in-your-face- or be all nanny-nanny boo-boo. I'm just writing to clear my head and find peace in my thoughts and actions. Today is just another day where I'm h ealing with my guilt. Today is just another day where I get to tell myself that I didn't do this to my son. Today is just another day, and I am grateful for it. My first thought, as I listened to the rain, was how wonderful that sound. And the smell is so crisp and clean. Unfortunately, my next thought wasn't so crunchy. I couldn't help but think that I haven't been doing all I can for my son. I haven't been focusing on his needs as much ...